Now before I start, this blog was never intended to be a personal documentation of my life, sure wedding planning was going to inevitably come up (DIY tasks to be documented etc etc) but NEVER EVER was I going to do the whole, this is my life day-to-day style blogging.
However, after not being able to post for ages (thank you blogger for that) I felt a need to reconnect with you, my readers and actually ask for some advice. This blog is about creating a wonderland and I guess that doesn't just mean the material stuff!
As you guys know, I am getting married next year, my fiance is totally amazing, I love him to bits and he is the ying to my yang. I am 22 (23 on the 26th of May) and he is 30 (31 on the 29th of May), as well as 8 years age difference our lives have been very different. He has done the partying in your twenties thing whereas I moved out at 18, moved in with him 6 months later and have since had varying degrees of financial difficulty, all of which have had a significant impact on my social life.
My life plan was always to have children and specifically to have them when I was 30, now I know it can't always be planned but as far as the grand plan went, 30 was the age I would become a mama. So when I am 30, my partner will be 38 and it turns out that not only is 38 TOO OLD but also he is definitely hearing his biological baby clock a'ticking.
|This is the odd thing...I WANT kids but I guess I just want them on my terms!|
After so many conversations about it, where I have stressed that my dad was 38 when they had me (although as he pointed out, I was their LAST child not their first) and 38 was not and still is not too old, I basically made the compromise to start trying to conceive at 27, that gives me 4 years (3 of which I will be married) to get a job, go somewhere within that job and most importantly to me to get ourselves on the housing ladder. I am sick of renting and I do not want to have a child while we are renting, I do not believe there is anything wrong in renting with kids but I know how unstable renting makes me feel and I do not want to have a child when I feel unstable.
But here is the problem....I feel like I made a big compromise slicing 3 years off my baby plan and I feel that I am the only one making the big compromises...not him. Now it isnt a case of "I made a compromise...now you HAVE to make one"...it's more of an issue that I am petrified I will somehow resent my child if I do not feel 100% financially ready and in a good place in my career
So have any of the mama's who read my blog had similar feelings? Any advice for me? I know no time is PERFECT for children but I guess I want some reassurance that these feelings are completely natural.